Feedback Flowers | Wild Wednesday
Offering Feedback That Waters Rather Than Pluck Leaders
“When you like a flower, you pluck it. When you love a flower, you water it daily.”
―Jay Shetty
My People,
One afternoon, a mother takes her 6-year-old daughter to the park after realizing that she needs to get some of her energy out or else it’s going to be a long day. The mother marveled as her daughter jumped from the monkey bars to the swings and back again. She thought to herself, “How can one person have so much energy?”
After an hour of play, the daughter slowed down a little, but not nearly as much as the mother expected. So the mother decided the two would walk a nearby trail.
The daughter would speed up from time to time, which was okay except for when they turned corners and the mother could no longer see her. After reminding her daughter one too many times that she needed to keep her within sight, the mother finally stopped to reprimand her. This time her voice was serious and her face stern.
The daughter understood. Looking down, she noticed a row of purple flowers. She gently plucked one and handed it to her mother as an act of apology. The mother, so touched by her daughter’s heart, smiled softly. But both of them noticed something. As soon as the flower was plucked, it immediately began to wither.
When the little girl reached down to pick another one, her mother stopped her. She said, “How about we leave them on the path so that instead of seeing purple flowers only one time, we can see them every time we come here. And other people can enjoy them too.”
The daughter agreed. Throughout the trail, she began noticing more and more flowers. To the mother’s surprise, this slowed her daughter down. She walked more carefully now, marveling at the purple flowers, almost as if they were admiring them together.
Years later, the daughter grew up, went to college, and became a teacher. Whenever she needed a break, a mindful moment to slow down and breathe, she would return to the trail. It reminded her of those small moments in nature, carefully taking each step and appreciating what was right in front of her.
As leaders and coaches, feedback is tough, but it is necessary. Without feedback, we are not able to grow. Yet often our feedback can feel more like plucking than watering.
Helpful tip: When I offer feedback, I try to consider which words are plucking and which words are watering. This helps me pause and ask whether this moment will create growth or contribute to withering. And sometimes we do make mistakes. Sometimes we pluck the flower. The good thing is that we can plant again, nurture again, and hope for new roots to take hold.
More watering, less plucking.
Happy Teacher Appreciation Week
Happy Mother’s Day.
Love Y’all for Free,
- Mario Jovan, Founder & Facilitator | Messy Roots
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